Writing the Wrongs

The wrong time, the wrong place, and the wrong suspects

By Sydney White

Today, January 28, Ariel Sharon is calling election day, "a day of democracy." Hey! One day is a start! But Sharon isn't militant enough, according to the foam-flecked dissension of the settlers. And the secular are angry that the orthodox are excused from the army.

The war should calm the internal squabbling -- a huge oil reservoir for the U.S. and more land for Israel.

Bush is working on his address for tonight. There'll be another huge tax cut to the top 1 per cent of the country, and OILigarchy friends, as several states declare bankruptcy. Washington can do this because they have proven, beyond a doubt, that necessity is indeed the mother of invention.

The political sweep-over on the bald and empty threat of Iraq is the Invention of the Year. Just how did the Saudis on those planes that sliced through the towers suddenly become Iraqis and Palestinians? Ask CNN and AIPAC; they won't answer. They're busy blacking out the enormous and continuing demonstrations.

The costrati in our government are in a dilemna: should they take up arms against a sea of Iraqis, or should they say no and keep some of the respect that Canada has earned as the peacekeeper? They can suck up or get kicked down the NAFTA ladder.

Since the U.S. already treats us like poop on their shoe in the trade battles, I say go for respect and damn the torpedoes!

Of course, it doesn't help that John McCallum told Rumsfeld that "we" are on board, much to Ottawa's surprise. It was an even bigger surprise that the defence minister had never heard of Dieppe. Because McCallum doesn't know his history, will we be doomed to repeat it?

The Iraqis will be cheered to hear that McCallum says it is a "hypothetical" war -- as they prepare to be finished off in the second round of uranium-coated bullets and shells. The statistics of various humanitarian groups predict 500,000 Iraqi civilians will die and 200,000 contaminated American soldiers will return to join the 200,000 Gulf War veterans already debilitated and dying in the United States.

The other clowns in that circus bar car are Gerald Moranis, president of the Metis Council, who gave his wife "what for" at the Liberal Christmas party, Gordon Campbell looking so very happy in his Hawaiian jail photos, and Ralph "Firewater" Klein, who "took it to the streets" and gave the homeless a tongue-lashing for being irresponsible. We could use some respect right now.

The RAElians set the world agog (or, some said, Magog) when they announced that they had cloned three humans. With no evidence and lame excuses, they still garnered untold millions in publicity. I'm definitely skeptical. After all, if Rael can't clone a few follicles for his own bald head, why should I get on board? Secondly, these are the same nutbars who booked a room at our own University of Toronto a few years ago to announce that their leader had seen Jehovah, who was four feet high and came out of a space ship. It's almost as wierd as the official version.

Jagi Singh, the well-known anti-globalist, was thrown out of Israel when he disobeyed them and went to Palestine. He reached his friend's home and was kidnapped while his friend watched from his window. Singh was given a "dry" beating (leaves no marks). On CKLN Radio Ryerson, Singh described how he was spit upon and told, "We could kill you," after which he was sent back to Canada.

Like Clouseau, the Israelis suspect everyone. Hopefully their death squads will not be arriving anytime soon. Svend Robinson fared much better than Singh after his efforts to get into the forbidden and occupied territories; he was merely demoted.

I remember when John Kennedy told the West Germans in front of the Wall, "Ich bin ein Berliner." Now there is another Wall -- with conning towers and armed guards -- imprisoning the ruined Palestine. Thirty-five years of the most brazen and brutal occupation now mestastasizes into Iraq.

Many around the world, and in Israel itself, are now saying, sometimes under their breath, "I am a Palestinian."

A member of the Committee on Monetary and Economic Reform, Sydney White teaches "Studies in Propaganda" at the Free University of Toronto (new series begins March 24, 6-8 p.m.).